MARCH
20, 2004
1:02
am
The
last piece of the puzzle finally
makes sense after 6 hours
of anagramming. Exact location
is determined. E-mail of solution
with intent of search sent.
One would think sleep would
ensue due to exhaustion. One
would be wrong.
7:00
am
Leave
home with map, solution, diet
pepsi, and camera. Get gas.
Scream at the new prices,
but pay anyway.
8:00
am
Arrive
at location, realize parking
anywhere remotely close will
lead to car being towed to
Hollywood division. Been there,
done that, not going again.
Park in vacant lot in mud.
Grab camera and solution.
Peek
through fence of 2451 Laurel
Canyon Blvd. Notice lions
from the Fearless DVD. How
to get inside? Gate is locked.
Gotta get in there, gotta
get in there, gotta get in
there...
8:10
am
Check
east side of property perimeter
for gates, openings, possible
alternate locations of the
orb. Concrete timbers? Nah...
8:30
am
Notice
severe trampling of tall grass.
Discover hobo living in ruins.
Duck for cover as empty wine
bottle whizzes past head.
Run. Fall in mud. Run some
more. Decide that maybe there
will be an entrance on the
adjoining Tree House property.
8:40
am
Begin
searching for entrance to
Rubin Estate via Tree House
property. Gate open. Ten sets
of 70 or more steps lay ahead.
Might as well count them out
and make notes, just in case
it is all one big piece of
property. Begin with nearest
staircase: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
9:30
am
...91,
92, 93 94. Reach first summit,
and note that 6 foot chainlink
fence surrounds entire Rubin
property, separating it from
the Tree House property. Step
in coyote crap. Wipe off flipflop
with handy leaves.. .hey,
these look familiar! Kind
of ivy shaped but with succulent
stems. Pretty.
10:00
am
Discover
an orb along summit path.
Protected by a doe and a fawn,
who scurry away with a flash
of black tail. Notice legs
and hands are itching and
swelling. Suddenly remember
what that pretty leaf was.
10:30
am
Discover
altar and candles left over
from Zappa fans. Read graffiti.
In a series of violent scratches,
discover clothes are covered
with ticks.
10:31
am
Freak
out.
11:00
am
Debate
with self as to whether nakedness
is an option. Realize photos
were not taken of Zappa altar,
but too tired to go back.
Notice a possible opening
in the fence and move closer
to investigate. Step in thick
mud, oozing between toes,
and up over ankles. Make mental
note of itching relief on
feet and legs. Continue with
perimeter and counting endless
steps.
11:05
am
AH
- HA!!! The fence ends four
feet from the end of the property
on the back (south) side,
leaving an opening. Debate
with self ensues.
11:15
am
Debate
with self resolved. Decision
to enter property based on
local real estate laws (property
posted for sale is subject
to public inspection), likelihood
of finding a musician friend
who might have pull enough
with the owner to grant mercy
for trespassing, and an insane
desire to pull the whole thing
off.
11:16
am
Enter
Rubin estate.
Continue
along top of property, heading
east...then have to sit down.
Breath escapes with a choking
sensation. Goosebumps well
up over poison plant rash.
Tears come to eyes. Hunt officially
begins at this moment, for
there lies the same view as
seen in the Fearless DVD.
11:20
am
Study
clues intently. Determine
the house may be vacant. Begin
search of estate for "concrete
timbers" and series of 70
steps.
Deteriorating
fountain on southeast side
of house. Spectacular view
of the canyon from this perch.
East
side patio. Room looks like
ballroom, vacant except for
what appears to be a sound
board covered with a blanket.
Front
entry hints at the estate's
use in the classic movie SUNSET
BOULEVARD.
Front
of house, discover lions from
Fearless DVD. Decide (incorrectly)
this is where counting steps
begins. After 18 steps, staircase
splits with three choices
of continuing ascent.
Hoping
the bitchin' Roadrunner belongs
to a friendly groundskeeper
Willy. All three directions
are attempted, which produce
three more splits and possible
ascents. Aye yi yi. Feet,
legs, and back sting with
pain.
1:00
pm
Concrete
timbers FINALLY located. Bridge
appears to be made of bent
wood, but it is in fact made
of cement. Ivy is real, though
no attempt is made to touch
it, just in case.
Steps
lie at base, counting ensues...
at 70th step, confusion.
Retaining
wall of steps is demolished
for steps 69, 70, and 71.
Rocks from that side are stacked
in a LARGE pile on the south
east side. Debate with self
begins. Has someone beat me
to it? Did Mother Nature have
the final laugh? Visual search
of area follows.
Top
of steps (79), route to southeast
begins. It ends 50 feet later
at original vantage point
of the tower. Interesting
tree is nearby to the southeast,
and becomes stronghold to
regain balance after sliding
down muddy slope on backside.
It fortunately has four sturdy
trunks, kind of like a big
W, and an exposed root system.
Make mental note not to trip
on roots.
Double
check end of path route, just
to be sure. Slip on wet stone
and wrench right knee.
Head
back to 70th step. Emotion
ensues.
2:00
pm
Debate
with self rages. Should the
hundred stacked rocks be sorted
through? Is there a "solitary
stone" to the southeast? Should
there be, and can I get to
it through the deep mud of
the flowerbed? WAS SOMEONE
ALREADY HERE?? Exhaustion,
pain and rash become intolerable.
Debate with self ends.
2:22
pm
Exit
Rubin property and begin drive
home.
2:30
pm
Turn
onto 101 Freeway. Debate with
self begins once more.
2:55
pm
Passed
by truck with writing on the
tailgate. Must photograph
due to bizarre coincidental
value. TATTOO... heh.
Head
spins. The tattoo
clue. If my tattoo is fearless,
then climb ten weeks to find
the route. I know that
tattoo and fearless
refer to the DVD. And climb
ten weeks is the steps.
If my tattoo is fearless,
then climb ten weeks to find
the route, and route is spelled
r-o-u-t-e. Now why would
someone have to go and spell
out route? Rhymes with out,
about, trout. Oh yeah, some
people say it differently,
like root. Another "mock their
mate"? Climb ten weeks and
find the route, root...
OMG.
The tree.
3:15
pm
Debate
with self concluded.
4:00
pm
Return
home to pick up son who has
now completed (and won) his
Little League game. Apply
treatment with Benedryl, Calamine
Lotion, and ice for knee and
back. Feed kid. Determine
that I am not able to hold
down food successfully.
4:30
pm
Persuade
(beg) ex to drive for me since
feet and legs are now reaching
monstrous proportion. Prepare
for return trip to be made
in darkness.
5:15
pm
Begin
return trip to Rubin property,
with ex and son in tow.
5:16
pm
Begin
first of thousands of assurances
to ex that this is not a wild
goose chase.
5:45
pm
Traffic
comes to a complete halt at
Malibu Canyon. Assurances
begin with vengeance. Defiance
and resolve solidify. I finally
*believe* I am right.
6:55
pm
Arrive
at Rubin Estate for second
time. Son grabs flashlight,
and follows me through fence.
Ex has severe doubts about
the impending invasion of
private property, but continues
through fence behind us.
7:00
pm
"Shhhh,
don't make any noise!"
"Hey!
Don't shine the flashlight
in windows, keep it on the
trail."
"Are
there any ghosts here?"
"I
said SHHHHH! Just whisper."
"I
think this place might be
haunted, mom."
"SHHHHHHHH!"
"I
can't see anything."
"Stay
behind me, you don't know
where you are going!"
"Where
ARE we going?"
"There
is a big tree with 4 trunks
like a W, by some steps over
that way. The stone should
be in the roots."
"Look
mom! The big W!!! Like the
movie!"
"Shine
the flashlight down....DOWN...at
the roots!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW!
What is that? A salamander?"
"It's
a lizard, mom."
"It's
HUGE.....it's on the fake
rock....get if off!!!!!"
"Mommmmm,
it's just a lizard."
"You
get the rock. I am not going
near that slimy thing."
"Don't
let it roll down the hill...careful!"
"Wait,
I have to take a picture!"
"OK,
we got it, now RUN!!!!!!!!!"
