Citizen Kane’s Declaration of Principles:
“I will provide the people of this city with a daily paper that will tell all the news honestly. I will also provide them with a fighting and tireless champion of their rights as citizens and as human beings.”
Sea Jay’s Declaration of Principles:
“I have none. Laughter is my drug of choice. My curious sense of humor has no social, political, or religious agenda. I pick and choose whatever suits my fancy.”
A guy complains to his dentist, “$460 to pull a tooth? For about one minute’s work?”
The dentist replies, “I can make it last longer if you’d like.”
Error message: “Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.”
Lehrer once said, “I feel if a person can’t communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up.”
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Two ladies in a restaurant.
One complains, “You know, the food here is just terrible.”
The other adds, “And such small portions.”
A man drove home and discovered his house was on fire. He dialed up the fire department immediately.
The man panicked, “Chief, you have to get over here, my house is on fire!”
The Chief said, “Calm down, Sir. How do we get to your house?”
The man yelped, "Don’t you have those big red trucks anymore?”